Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Anderson Cooper, give me back my wife!

No one has suffered more than me during this election cycle, no one. And a lot of people have said that. Totally true. With campaign mentions of Weiner and Bush how can you expect anything else? I’ve had it up to hear (my hand is under my chin).

My wife, on the other hand, cannot get enough. She’ll sit and watch CNN for hours while the laptop remains open to a New York Times article. I have become a political widower. “He’s a modern day Ephialtes!*” she yells out over the blue glow of her Airbook. “You bet he is,” I yell from the basement. “I forget, how do you spell his name?” as I Google over to my computer and figure out whom she is referring to before she realizes what I’m doing. It causes a temporary pause in my search for dual citizenship.

And apparently, I’m not the only one worried. Judging how the stock market is keeping time with James Comey’s reports there are a few others out there. The TV news keeps reassuring us that it will soon be over. Yeah, okay. Don’t they know that’s when the fun begins? With calls for impeachment before anyone even takes the oath of office, to refusing to believe FBI reports, to a SCOTUS that is still missing a member that keeps it from becoming deadlock, to a Republican party that eats its own young, 2017 looks about as attractive as a House Hunters International episode in Syria.  You think I’m kidding about that dual citizenship thing? The question is where not if.

The late night comedian pundits who helped put Trump in there are shaking in their Nikes as well. They are busy scrabbling around this week trying to get you to vote for Hillary. They know the first thing any vindictive leader does is knock off the comedians and cartoonists. His list will make Nixon’s enemy list look like an evite for a kiddy party. Time to throw out my Funny Lives Matter t-shirt. The good news is I am way way WAY down on that list, somewhere after Carrot Top but before my next-door neighbor, Crazy Craig Belesco. At least that’s what my eleven followers tell me.

So if you think this is all over today, you are in for a rude awakening. This has made me a political groundhog where I see six more months of icy cold relations. Anderson Cooper, I hate you. Now back to my hunt for asylum.

Continuing with my mood during this time:

* Ephialtes, Greek who betrayed his homeland, in hope of receiving a reward from Xerses, by showing the Persian forces a path around the allied Greek position at the pass of Thermopylae, which helped them win the Battle of Thermopylae in 480 BC against the 300 Spartans.