Monday, November 24, 2014

Yo, Yo, Yodels!

Many of you may be unaware of this, but at one point I was a famous rap artist. I went by the name of 2Quarter, because I was so poor I didn’t have two quarters to rub together. The second track on that cd is one of my favorites. Titled “Shemp is not for Rent”, it’s the story of a man who could never live up to his brother’s fame. Poignant, yet rhyme-y, this ballad is sure to melt the heart along with any cheese left lying around. But with the success of my first album Unsolicited Advice, I had to change my name in order to keep it real. Now with my second cd due to be released next week, Gloating Critic, I go by my new rap name, P-Stream.

Gloating Critic is an autobiographical collection of songs that deals with the rough childhood I had. Although, the way the music industry is headed it may be my swan song. Sad isn’t it? And I had so many more things to rap about too. I never even got to my puberty years.

We lived in the hood (excuse me da hood), otherwise known as Levittown. We had only one car, except for my dad’s company car, and I had to walk to school, except when I took the bus or my dad drove me. We didn’t get a color TV until 1971. It’s no wonder I’m screwed up with angst. We didn’t even have a hot water tank. Well, not a large one anyway. That’s the subject of the fourth track “Who Flushed the Toilet!”. Here’s a sample of the lyrics.

I’m taking a shower
All nice and warm
Feeling just like
The first day I was born
When all of a sudden
To my surprise
The water turns icy
Oh me oh my.
Who Flushed the Toilet!
I’m turning blue
Who Flushed the Toilet!
Grandma is'at you?

Speaking of grandmas, I was so envious of kids brought up by their’s. Instead, I was the product of an unsuccessful divorce. In the beginning of summer each year my mother, who was always angry with my father, would take us to Jones Beach and not return until dark. This is the subject of my next song “Where’s the Damn Sunscreen?”.

I’m building a castle
It ain’t a big hassle
But after eight hours
My skin’s hanging like tassles!

Once I get back home-a
All I do is moan-a
Spread on the Noxzema
I think I have carcinoma!

Where’s the Damn Sunscreen?
My back is peeling
Where’s the Damn Sunscreen?
My head is reeling.

It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘a day at the beach’. Yes, this may be my last rap cd I put out there, but I’m going to keep fighting the good fight. Meaning simply, ignoring pleads from critics to stop. I already have three tracks written for the next one tentatively titled, Liver Spots and Weekends, including this one: “You Can Eat Your Cake and Donuts too”.

I like Ring Dings
And Yodels
And Drakes Cup Cakes
Someday I’ll diet
And lose this weight.
We buy jeans at Penny’s
In the husky collection
Never fade Ranchcraft
Are far from perfection.
Riding my bike
Is no small deed
Cause the one that I got
Only has 3 speeds.

Oh well, I guess the world will have to find a way to survive without it. Until then, just take my advice: Stay real, stay cool, and stay home, because there is already too much traffic and is going out so important?

Happy Thanksgiving!

I started working on a new style mostly using pencil and ink.