Sunday, April 22, 2012

I Need Answers


Why does everyone dread jury duty? It’s the only lottery I consistently win. This time I was chosen for a criminal case. Here in Boulder, the courtroom was a relaxed almost congenial atmosphere. There were no armed guards in the courtroom. We were allowed to bring food and drinks while listening to testimony. Jurist wore whatever they wanted, which included Crocs and shorts. Outside the courthouse is bucolic Boulder Creek and just behind stand the Flatirons. We sat quietly for two days listening to testimony. Once we entered the Jury room everyone needed to talk at once. Coming from an Italian background, eleven people talking at the same time was nothing more than a typical Sunday dinner. It was no wonder I was elected foreman. After two hours of deliberations we reached verdicts on all four counts. Back east, we’ve had longer arguments on who should be invited to a bridal party. So why is everyone afraid to be called? Just think of it as getting together with relatives without the sauce.

With all this talk about the Titanic lately I have one thing to ask. Why didn’t the captain sail back to the iceberg and put all the passengers on it?

Pat Robertson and other religious leaders claimed Hurricane Katrina, which hit New Orleans in 2005, was a result of God wanting to punish the U.S. because of our legal right to have an abortion. In 2010, Robertson said Haiti made a "pact to the devil" and that is what brought on the devastating earthquake. So why is God attaching the Bible Belt now with all these hurricanes?

Which are you more outraged about?
A) The Secret Service hiring prostitutes in Columbia
B) The GSA spending more than $800,000 on a junket

How is it possible that my wife is so bad with plants she killed our rock garden?

When I was young my hair was an unruly forest that got trimmed once every June. This way it had time to grow back in time for school. So why is it now that my scalp resembles a vacant lot in the Bronx I need to get it cut every two weeks?

And lastly, the Forest Service has a question. What do you do with six frozen cows in an abandoned cabin? Two hikers discovered them this week. The question is do they leave them and let nature take its course? Should they burn them? Or should they blow up the cabin with the cows inside? See, not all government jobs are boring. Kids, get your cameras ready!

Sidney, the chapter book, is almost complete. Here is another illustration during his couch session.


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