It’s coming up to our one-year anniversary regarding our move to Colorado. There are a few things I learned about Boulder since last summer. For instance, Boulder has the highest percentage of people living on trust funds than any other part of the United States. One out of every four adults has a PhD. Degree of some kind. The climate is also a haven for retire Olympic Athletes and attracts many in the entertainment industry. Even the guy who owns the local pizza parlor is a retired astrophysicist from NASA. I guess you do have to be a rocket scientist to run a business around here. This, by the way, is all coming from second hand sources, which could mean it is either true or else we also rank number one in pathological liars.
The other quarter not belonging to this group are those receiving ‘medical’ marijuana supplements. They are a friendly bunch and are usually employed as wait staff and gardeners. It is easy to recognize this type when you hear “Bread? Oh right, right, sure that’s cool,” when you inquire about your basket.
Either way my path is clear. I am doing my best to be a pimple on that bell curve by not being exceptional at anything with the possible exclusion of annoying friends and loved ones with incessant literary (indulge me here) meanderings. For once in my life I thought my New York background and egocentric upbringing would lend me an air of superiority. Instead my self-esteem is in our low-flow, ecologically friendly toilet.
This leaves me with no other choice than to be as mediocre as possible. I can do that. It is this mediocrity that will let me stand out among the high-level achievers, Type A personalities, and refugees from a Lost Generation. By simply being me I am unique like no other.
I could improve my grammar or spelling, but then my thoughts would be just as coherent as the next guy’s. Who needs that? I could get a prescription for a fathom pain I get whenever my mother-in-law visits, but I don’t think I can spare any gray matter at this point. I did attend Art school in the seventies if memory serves me. I am not signing any petitions to save something that needs to be explained to me. The only cause I am getting behind is the Leave Me Alone Cause. It’s basically a movement of not doing anything cause I don’t want to be bothered.
So, am I adjusting to life out West? I can say emphatically yes. In the fact that I have not changed at all and will stay this way no matter how nice the people are, no matter how beautiful the weather, no matter how much my life has improved. There is always something horrible around the corner. We just can’t see it because some idiot has put up a Welcome sign.
My quick count of animals we’ve seen in our first 12 months in Colorado (not counting the farm animals such as cattle, sheep, llama, pigs, ponies, donkeys, horses, alpaca), most were on trails or near our home.
big horn sheep
red tail hawk
red wing blackbird
great horned owl
soft shell turtle
hard shell turtle