What I would wish for is that dynamite worked the same way in life as it does in cartoons. Now hear me out first. Dynamite would be as common to have in your house as milk or eggs. The Holidays would be an exceptionally busy time for manufacturers as families buy stockpiles to release some long held hidden hostilities. Therapy and mood altering drugs might just become twenty-first century dinosaurs as people cope with their feelings openly and honestly.
Take my neighbor for instance, and the real crux of my story. He’s a nice enough guy I guess. I have only talked to him on three separate occasions since we moved in six months ago. According to the homeowners association we are not to have any commercial vehicles on our property visible from the street at any time unless making a delivery. Yet his truck, his dirty filthy smelly truck, is parked in his carport every day, which is visible from my dining room window. I want to be a good neighbor, but I also desperately want to blow that F’n truck to smithereens. Why can’t he just obey a simple rule and be courteous? What’s even more annoying is the fact that he put up three posts for a fence that would block us from seeing it and yet has done nothing to finish the job. So we can’t blame ignorance on his part.
And we all have had neighbors that do this sort of thing. Perhaps it’s racing a car up and down the street, or playing Mariah Carey or some other annoying record loud enough to hear from your back porch, little pet peeves that drive us crazy. It all depends on how lucky you are with the Real Estate Lottery. But wouldn’t it be great the next time it happens you turn to your spouse and say “Of course you realize this means war!” and proceed to hand the annoying bastard a cake with fourteen sticks of dynamite on top instead of candles. Oh the joy that would bring. I don’t wish him any harm. I just want to see a huge explosion and when the smoke clears see him standing there in ragged clothes, burnt hair and waving a white flag. Is that too much to wish for?
PS: Here's a recent oil painting I finished this week and something I hope never gets blown up. However, I'm going to touch up that marque.