Monday, February 21, 2011

Starlight, star bright…

If you could have just one wish what would it be? Not a very original thought but one I am entertaining nonetheless. Aside from the usual wish for more wishes or good health for loved ones many people wish to be invisible, to be able to fly, or just to be wealthy. But these all have a selfish tendency and naturally not one of mine. I’m thinking of the greater good.

What I would wish for is that dynamite worked the same way in life as it does in cartoons. Now hear me out first. Dynamite would be as common to have in your house as milk or eggs. The Holidays would be an exceptionally busy time for manufacturers as families buy stockpiles to release some long held hidden hostilities. Therapy and mood altering drugs might just become twenty-first century dinosaurs as people cope with their feelings openly and honestly.

Take my neighbor for instance, and the real crux of my story. He’s a nice enough guy I guess. I have only talked to him on three separate occasions since we moved in six months ago. According to the homeowners association we are not to have any commercial vehicles on our property visible from the street at any time unless making a delivery. Yet his truck, his dirty filthy smelly truck, is parked in his carport every day, which is visible from my dining room window. I want to be a good neighbor, but I also desperately want to blow that F’n truck to smithereens. Why can’t he just obey a simple rule and be courteous? What’s even more annoying is the fact that he put up three posts for a fence that would block us from seeing it and yet has done nothing to finish the job. So we can’t blame ignorance on his part.

And we all have had neighbors that do this sort of thing. Perhaps it’s racing a car up and down the street, or playing Mariah Carey or some other annoying record loud enough to hear from your back porch, little pet peeves that drive us crazy. It all depends on how lucky you are with the Real Estate Lottery. But wouldn’t it be great the next time it happens you turn to your spouse and say “Of course you realize this means war!” and proceed to hand the annoying bastard a cake with fourteen sticks of dynamite on top instead of candles. Oh the joy that would bring. I don’t wish him any harm. I just want to see a huge explosion and when the smoke clears see him standing there in ragged clothes, burnt hair and waving a white flag. Is that too much to wish for?

PS: Here's a recent oil painting I finished this week and something I hope never gets blown up. However, I'm going to touch up that marque.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Hey everyone,

I haven't written lately because I have had a touch of bronchitis. The bad part is it touched both my lungs at the same time. I get really maudlin and rather morbid when I get sick also. But I have been able to draw and paint a little so I thought I would just post them.

As I laid in bed hacking up lung snot feeling sorry for myself I thought of my dad. Smoking two and half packs of cigarettes a day for thirty years left him with emphysema that lasted over ten years. Towards the end, his days were filled with constant coughing fits and a decreased lung capacity. How can the human body tolerate such punishment for so long? After just a week of this I was asking my wife to pull the plug on my humidifier. Why is it that it takes a sickness or injury to appreciate how fortunate being well really means?

I just hate being sick or laid up. When my time comes I would rather it was from an animal attack than a prolong and chronic ailment. Well, not any animal. Not a shark or bear because they bite pieces off while you're still alive and then come back for more. A big cat would be fine, such as a mountain lion, or leopard. They strike from behind and most cases you don't even know what hit you. Snap goes the neck and there you are, predator take out. A poison dart frog would probably work. The curare in their skin gives a hallucinogenic affect that might be sort of cool. But I don't think they attack too often. Did I mention how morbid I get when I'm sick? Why don't you just look at the pictures? Good health to everyone out there!